The Zamboni is Tufts University’s premier humor and satire publication. We report only the finest fake news, made-up features, and photoshopped images. In no way do the views expressed herein necessarily reflect those of Tufts University, or even our own editors. So, don’t go e-mailing the people listed in the staff box, especially since we make some of the names up. All material is meant to be viewed as humorous and should not be taken seriously, but keep in mind, we still love a good Viewpoints face-off. The exact events that created The Zamboni are contested. Skeptics can be divided into two camps, both of which have water slides and play kickball. Years from now, historians will argue that the Zamboni never existed, and that it never will. SUBMISSIONS We accept submissions from any person or thing, but any references to Harvard University must be spelled “Hah-vahd.” Submissions to The Zamboni are screened by the Editor-in-Chief and/or the Editorial Staff. Decisions are made on the completely subjective grounds of their humor content, but if you’re a legacy, we have to take you. Please submit all submissions in a word document or high-resolution image file (depending on type of content) to tuftszamboni[at]gmail[dot]com